Second day musings

I've spent ALL day on here reading recovery stuff, which I at first thought was either a waste of time or a clear case of navel gazing. However, a few things have fallen into place thanks to stuff I've picked up from comments and other peoples blogs. I'm just going to list them as they come to mind now and filter through them later:

1. I have real difficulty sorting out the things I can and cannot change. There are some things in my life which are in my power to change, which are really getting me down. And that's not only drinking it the way other people treat me, mainly my kids walking all over me. Mostly my fault for inconsistent parenting while drinking.
   
2. I'm getting really rattled internally by small things that people do. A sign that I am doing too much and under pressure. But some of these thoughts may also be based on me rightly standing my ground in some situations, for once and feeling uncomfortable and uncertain with that.
3. I need to build my self esteem and confidence which has taken a battering in recent years. Maybe as I've not been in a relationship and I've always fed my self worth from others....very unhealthy, I know, but a hard habit to break and replace.
   
4. I'm hanging on to one or two resentments from the past which are long overdue for letting go. I am the only one getting chewed up by these, I have no contact with the individuals involved.
5. I need to get some routine back in my life and stick to it.
6. I need to leave work at work and build a better home life, this is also linked with the previous item and possibly #1.
7. I want to explore my spiritual side, something that used to be important to me but which I cast aside a while ago. Not sure what direction this will take.
8. A consistent support system. As Scott mentioned in my last comments, I've struggled with 'getting' AA, possibly to do with my last point but also practical problems about attending regularly. I blog when I'm struggling, then let it slip and take my eye off the ball when all is going well. Bad news for me and the kind people who show support, where am I when you need me? :-( I've dabbled in other recovery routes but not stuck to anything through the good times.
9. I need to lower my expectations of myself and accept I'm not Superwoman. I don't do too bad a job under relatively difficult circumstances.

OK, not a bad list for a start, but making sure I address these is the hard part! So today was useful but I must make a note to self not to do it like this again. Thanks to my blogging community for the inspiration. Now to try to get some sleep.