Close call

Just wanted to check in as tonight I had the strongest craving I've had so far. After doing so seemingly effortlessly well, I was just suddenly overcome with a really strong urge to buy wine. There was no trigger to speak of, no associated thoughts, nothing. It really took a lot of persuasion, trying to relive the bad bits, remember the headaches, wretching other hangovers nightmares, reminding myself how many days counting I would lose, not to mention, two cans of red bull, a diet coke and large bar of chocolate in quick succession to dull it.

Whats that all about? If I were in some situation which presented temptation I could understand it but I wasnt. If it were last week when I had the sunny afternoon in the garden BBQing associations, I could understand it. There were those 'you've done so well, one bottle of wine in 7 weeks isnt bad' type of LB thoughts. LB was really trying its hardest. Is that a physical thing?

Thankfully I got through it but it was a close thing and I had that horrible feeling that at some point I would crack and I had no control over it. I just had to keep telling mysef I was a grown up and could chose not to drink. I think this was the situation that got me last time, totally unexpected and therefore totally unprepared for. But its bloody frightened me!

Just wanted to get this down while it was fresh. Oh, and also, its after mdnight here and I cant sleep ... too much red bull!! Time to give some thought to what might have been going on there.