Response to 'Close Call' - Forum reply

Some of my posts are copied from a forum I belong to and often input from others is very helpful, as the comments are here. So I am going to post (with permission) some of the responses so I can look back at how I learned from them. One such reponse to my previous post:

love to hear of the boost to confidence overall. find myself wondering if the confidence that got shaken is the same kind of confidence that got boosted. that sounds weird, and i'll try to explain what i might mean. i'm thinking that maybe the one that got shaken is based more on a belief of the experience of the last few weeks that it hasn't been THAT hard and therefore WON't be that hard, rather than the boosted confidence which comes from the experiences of surmounting difficulties, and is a more satisfying, hardwon one. and maybe that's nonsense, and maybe it doesn't matter at all. just a thought. overall boost is great! your list of possible triggers...yeah, i can see that. not only was alcohol around, but it was presented as only a positive, something to be won, prized and enjoyed. Slipping back into the 'I can moderate' routine was the most likely and I just kept repeating to myself that I'd tried it sooo many times and it didnt work that way, it always went downhill overnight. no idea if this might be helpful to you at all: i think what's stopped me from having any thoughts of attempting to moderate is that i've looked at that and myself and know that i have no wish to moderate. i know that i would not WANT to have one...i'd want to get drunk. (that sounds sooo disgusting to me as i write it).so i don't think of moderation as something i can't do, but as something totally unappealing and pointless.

My counter reponse:

"so i don't think of moderation as something i can't do, but as something totally unappealing and pointless.".... This comment is pure gold and when I think about it I was thinking in terms of getting drunk rather than 'having a couple'. I knew I was alone that night, I knew I didnt have to get up, I even thought 'one bottle' isnt bad in 7 weeks, ie. I was going to drink the whole lot and not just have a glass, and that was a given before it even touched my lips. So even my addictive voice wasnt trying to fool me, it was thinking in terms of bottles of wine all along! I think keeping that 'one drink is pointless' in my head will help next time!!