Day Six - almost a week!

Day six today and I wish I was feeling better. I'm much better mentally but am coming down with a heavy cold so feel physically rough and tired which has put an edge on things. I'm sleeping well but not actually getting to sleep till very late and next week I'm back at work so will find the first few early starts tough.

Apart from that though I'm feeling good and have noticed the subtle difference in life already. For example, this weekend I've spent more time with my kids. Last night we all watched a film together and the youngest snuggled up on the sofa beside me. I realized that I didn't used to like him sitting right next to me if I had a glass in my hand. And today I cooked Sunday lunch at lunchtime, instead of waiting till evening when I felt more like eating. Afterwards we went shopping, unheard of for me at the weekend. I've also felt more patient with the kids and I think they can feel the difference already too. And I've enjoyed every minute.

I have also been thinking back to what went wrong with my last serious and semi successful attempt at sobriety. Fourteen months ago I started drinking again after a 10 week sober spell. I'd felt great in that time and it wasn't an effort at all, no cravings and loving every moment and I've never worked out what went wrong.

One Saturday in November it was Guy Fawkes night and my oldest son was going to a friends party. I took the younger son to a fireworks display and went home. I'd normally go to the party the older son was attending and I somehow felt I was missing out on a good time because I couldnt drink. I was jealous of them having a drink and a good time I suppose. So I went out and bought wine, just to see what it was like (as if I didnt know!). I suppose I was convinced it could be a one off and I could be a 'normal' drinker again. And since then I've been drinking fairly regularly and at times pretty heavily. What a waste of fourteen months for the sake of a one off good time? But its proved to me once and for all that I can't drink normally and that's what I am going to keep foremost in my mind. One drink led to another fourteen months of it, that's not normal!

This time I want to be prepared for occasions like that as I felt it crept up on me unaware. So that's where my work lies in the coming weeks to maintain this, making a relapse plan. A set of responses for those drinking excuses which may arise. "Go on you can just have one"........."Bugger off, you know fine well you can't!"......Type of thing.

In the first instance I want to make my goal to pass that 10 weeks record, but of course I don't want it to stop there. For now I'm looking forward to tomorrow, it will be day 7, a whole week and a pretty good record for recent times. So far its been effortless, no cravings. A few passing thought but I think they're habitual responses. And I am feeling very grateful for all the positive sides to sobriety.